Sometime last night, an anonymous representative of South Peak Interactive (perhaps learning from the mistakes of the Dharma and Greg motherfuckers that haunt the European offices of Psygnosis) decided to play ball and leaked us a shot of Dukes of Hazzard offering conclusive evidence that it will be the best game ever.  If we were just slightly more idiotic than we actually are, we might describe the screenshot as "dialed" or "glazed" or some other term appropriated from our magical donut making negro elders.  Instead,  we've gone the extra mile and created a new, honky-centric catchphrase that will soon be sweeping the Web:  Now that's a meniscus!

Instead of having you ride a dragon, which if you think about it for two seconds is pretty stupid, a dragon will ride on the General Lee!  Our source tells us South Peak has a team of artists working round the clock to make the dragon look "less gay" before release.   We're going to be following the Dukes of Hazzard game closely.

click on Uncle Jesse

Yesterday's caricature story resulted in a flood of emails requesting we post a non-caricatured painting or snapshot of Chet and Erik somewhere on the site.  Because our dear readers top our "thoughts and prayers" chart at #2 (second only to the world's children), and also as a required part of getting our ISO9001 certification, we've added such a photograph to our contact page.

Usually when we choose to drink, we drink a liquid form of PCP and spend a quiet evening breaking each other's legs and robbing convenience stores armed only with one butcher knife between us.   Last night, prepared to have ourselves just such an evening in celebration of Drakan's unprecedented #2 position on the August Softrend chart, we knocked back a few empty frosting containers full of angel dust and waited for the onset of some festive irregular heartbeats.  Office jokester Tony must have spiked our hog with booze, however, because instead of the expected fluctuating body temperature, nausea, and incredibly cool loss of our gag reflex, we got way drunk and, frankly, out of control.   It sounds trite, but Chet was convinced he could fly.  "Like a Dragon!" he kept telling me.  While talking him out of killing himself, I mistakenly persuaded him that I was the one who could fly, at which point he shoved me out a window.  I don't remember anything else. 

I woke up this morning, face pointed towards the ceiling, on top of what definitely felt like an ice cold person.  I crossed my fingers and rolled over, hoping to God we hadn't killed a child or a whore or someone's pet ape.  It turns out I was lying on top of Chet and he was only almost dead.  Looking around, I didn't see any other bodies - either whole or how they sometimes are in lots of little parts  - and I breathed a very, very shallow sigh of relief so as not to irritate my broken ribs.   I went to the bathroom to put my eye back in straight using the mirror as a guide, and discovered the evidence of what actually happened.  A few times, maybe twice, our drug induced psychosis has reached levels so toxic that we go to the mall and purchase custom caricatures.  From the looks of it, we must have come very close to dying last night because we got the grandaddy of all custom caricatures:

Oh Christ, that's me, the cast of Star Trek 7, and Chet playing soccer against Levelord.  Adding insult to injury, we must have demanded the artist top it off with what at the time seemed like a spectacularly hilarious quote from Austin Powers.  I look sort of African-American because after I drink enough, I like to put on blackface and go serenade people at the mall.  I vaguely remember Chet waving the butcher knife around and screaming for the terrified caricaturist to "Make my head bigger, you ass.   And put me in a little truck! ...  Littler you idiot."

Anyway, we're kind of Drakan'ed out at the moment, but that shouldn't keep you from enjoying the rest of Drakan Week.

I don't know what this game is called, or what exactly it's about.  I know some hello kitty backpack wearing descendent of the guy that shot my grandfather must have been monitoring my most secret dreams, because there they all are, right in this game.  Here's a movie of it in action (Make sure you have the latest QuickTime, QuickTime will not auto suggest an update, it will error out.  Once you have the new one installed, it will ask you to upgrade every 10 minutes.)

Marvin was deeply moved by the press releases of Drakan.  He took his feelings and expressed them in his favorite art form; fan fiction.  Marvin invites you to stop by his Drakan Fan Fiction page and read his first tries at this ancient art form.

We're making some positive changes.  Read about them here.

The week's festivities:

Monday - Slept late.  Drakan week delayed one day.
Tuesday - Mission statement and open letter to Psygnosis.
Wednesday - Drakan long review.
Thursday - Asheron's call beta log featuring Drakan.
                  Delayed until Saturday.
Friday - Special Drakan Guestbook.
Saturday - Meet with legal team.
Sunday - Church
Monday - Check better fucking arrive from Psygnosis.

The Mushroom (URL misplaced - ed) successfully reverse-parodied The Onion by adopting the satirical weekly's look while remaining grimly and steadfastly unfunny.   In a bold move, newcomer The Smoking Gun has reverse-reverse-parodied The Mushroom and created what - true to the long tradition of twice reversed satire - is a funny site.  We'd like to thank Kevin Murphy, Rob Budrick, and the rest of the outgoing staff of The Mushroom for the many fits of unamused silence they've provided us all over the last several months.