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2000 Edgy Game of the Year Awards
2001-01-15 Staff Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4 Page 5

Best Use of Norse Mythology

Those of you who've followed these awards throughout the years have probably wondered if this category would ever have a winner other than Lost Vikings for the Super Nintendo.  Since it's the only game that's ever won its category in three consecutive years, most people thought it was a lock to win in 2000.  But once again, it turns out that most people are idiots who shouldn't be trusted to inflict normal abuse on kids, much less ritual satanic abuse, and much, much less hand out important awards, because in a surprising turnaround, the viking game floodgates burst open this year.  More surprisingly, the floodgates may have been unnecessary, because as we stood there with our arms wrapped around our heads to protect them from the deluge, only one game trickled out.  Since there wasn't much competition, we didn't bother to each pick a winner.  However, we did award a special jury prize.

The Winner:

Rune Slot: The Sorrowbringer by WarriorMage.com

Here's an excerpt from the story that comes packaged with the game but is also available for free on the website:

Legend also says that many heroes left to challenge the machine but none ever returned. If the legends are true the priceless sword is probably still there, waiting for someone to free it, "or feed its hunger with their own soul!" [scare quotes, dramatic font effects, and exclamation point added - ed]

What kind of machine could possibly cause so much misery among Vikings?  Those of you familiar with Norse legends may already know the answer: One evil ass fucking slot machine.  Rune Slot is the first culturally accurate depiction of what might have happened if one of the Vikings' slot machines had gone nuts, walked off with their Sorrowbringer, and then started murdering them.   It's also got the best payouts in town!  Though it might eat your soul.   Not only is it the thinking man's Kenny Roger's The Gambler Video Poker, it doesn't have any orcs or sewers, which makes it game of the fucking year at this point.

Special Jury Prize:

After realizing that the only other game we could possibly award the prize to would be Lost Vikings again, we decided to just give it to France because although they've been conquered by pretty much everybody, the Vikings did it first.  In the 10th century, they landed at Normandy and were pleasantly surprised to discover that the snooty French cavemen who lived there would surrender without even having to ask them to, much less fight them.  The Viking children killed most of them anyway, leaving only the ones who were unusually skilled at surrendering to breed future generations.  Accepting the award for France is Francis The Talking France.   Babelfish was down, so Francis the Talking France won't be accepting the award in character this year:



*This award is neither sponsored by, endorsed by, nor, hopefully, seen by Pizza Hut or the people at Pizza Hut.  The edgy font was supplied by Marvin and not Pizza Hut, and should not be considered representative of the actual edginess of your Pizza Hut the Edge pizza pie.  

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