| Our single minded devotion to staging an all-white production
of Blacula in time for Halloween has caused us to miss
some updates. However, we think it's vitally important that someone retells this
famous legend in terms more easily understood by our people. Thanks to us, Caucasians
finally have a vampire to call their own. His name? Blacula. We
apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused our readers. That we are
producing this play for a children's charity should not influence your desire to forgive
us. If just one underprivileged or over-cancered youth hears the words "I'm
gonna drain that honky motherfucker!" delivered in the droning,
nasally voice made famous by black comics pretending to be white people and, for the first
time, really understands the terror of Blacula and becomes frightened, then I think maybe
you're being a little selfish with all your nasty emails reminding us that we haven't
updated. I'm talking to you, Tom 'Paradox' Mustaine. Perhaps
you should take a tip from the only decent thing in this whole corrupt, centipede infested
industry, id software's Adrian Carmack: a little less you talk, a little
more you listen. As for Levelord's now famous .plan
update, there's a very simple explanation: he's a goddamn liar. Yes, we're
having some money problems and it was touch and go with the site for a few weeks, but
we've resolved those issues and will be reporting on it this weekend. Rest assured
that we will not go out of business before Monolith. We're
serious. Imagine how serious Schindler was about his list, then
multiply that by one thousand. We've got our own list, by the way, and
we're not even halfway through it. What's on the list? Let's just say this
ain't your daddy's Schindler's List anymore. Sure there's a few Jews
on it, but that's just the beginning. To give you an idea of how thorough we are in
pursuing our list, the name Roberta Williams has not yet been crossed
off. Stay tuned for the big news. |
Prance, Blacula, Prance!
American game developers are too chickenshit to touch a violent, button pushing
property like The Warriors. I guess they're afraid it might inspire
fights outside Electronics Boutique. Fine, we say, make your goddamn KISS games.
We'll see you in bankruptcy court.
|
