Molyneux To People Of The Sun: You're Violent Primates

Molyneux To People Of The Sun: You're Violent Primates 1999-05-01 Erik

This is from an interview on Next-Generation.

Next Generation today published an interview with Peter Molyneux, the effete British technician directly responsible for such legendary crapola as Theme Park. Unaware of the fact that I feel the world needs another monster breeding game like I need another hole in my ass, Molyneux continues to work on his monster breeding opus, Black and White. The excitable staff of NG make their highly aroused condition quite clear right from the start of the conversation by stating that Black and White "is forecast by many to achieve what so many other titles have tried but failed to do - create a new gaming genre" They don't mention exactly how Lionhead Studios is going to travel back in time and release their new title before Monster Rancher, Populous, Pokemon, and the twelve hundred million other mutant husbandry and god games released since our giant, talking ape ancestors clawed their way out of the primordial ooze . Many of our young readers have been reporting to us a new schoolyard legend involving five quarts of Peter Molyneux's spunk having to be pumped out of the stomach of the gaming press, which may explain Next Generation's lack of comment as Molyneux declares:

There are nine different tribes and they would have the attributes that gamers would have pre-knowledge of. For example, they would expect the Aztec tribes to be more blood-thirsty than say the Greek tribe.

The World of
Peter Molyneux

Europe

South of Europe

Once again we find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of having to defend John Romero and, we suspect, Paul Steed. The Aztecs were a peaceful race of scientists and theologians who worked feverishly, like swarthy, loinclothed Keebler elves, to invent chocolate. One of the little people would occasionally swoop down on a jungle vine to rip a companion's heart out with his bare hands then hold the still beating organ above his head while shrieking, but mostly it was just chocolate inventing.
This outpouring of bile leaves Molyneux in the fugue state he is recently prone to during which he completely abandons reality and starts speaking in tongues about the playstation 2:

One big factor to be untapped up to now is 'emotion'. PlayStation 2 looks as though it could have this covered, but we'll have to wait and see.

Another Peter Molyneux-anticipated feature of the Playstation 2 is 'jamming' which blocks the microwave radiation Central American governments use to read his thoughts.