Search for:

Mortyr Review
2000-01-28 Staff Page 1 Page 2

I'm too sexy to kill hitler.Mortyr isn't the worst game ever made, it just seems that way while you're "playing" it.  Maybe that isn't clear enough: Don't buy Mortyr.  If someone offers to give it to you for free, it's a trick and you should run.  To put things in perspective:  As released, S.I.N. was a huge ripoff due to an amazingly thorough set of game-killing bugs.  But later, at a bargain-bin price and after a few heroic patches, S.I.N. got a little itty bitty bit better.  This same thing is not going to happen to Mortyr, because its awfulness runs deeper than just bugs.  Instead of following the industry standard of half-creating a game then releasing it with a bunch of crippling errors, the visionaries at Mirage Media have made Mortyr one giant, non-specific bug.  If you see Mortyr running on your PC, you should consider your system crashed on general principle - as designed, the entire package is misguided and bad.

Mortyr has the nuttiest, most convoluted story to ever grace a game that doesn't need a plot anyway.  Oh yeah, this doesn't include any game designed by the Japanese, who, oddly enough, were teamed up with the Nazis in World War 2.  The creators of Mortyr, Mirage Media, are based in Poland.  Schools in Europe have something like 27 grades before you can graduate and all the grades have names instead of numbers such as "grade auferlaben" and some of the grades lead back to previous grades or dismissal from school entirely.  Nobody understands it, and that's why there's always so much trouble over there.  The point is, maybe the Poles don't have the basic education structure we have.  In the USA, we're taught in the second grade that if you ever invent time travel, there is clearly one prime directive:  Go back in time and kill Hitler, for chrissake.  Instead of using this sure-fire plot, I swear to God that Mortyr sends you into the past to kill the loveable Albert Einstein. I think. Not much of the game makes any sense. This much I do know: Mortyr involves time travel and fighting Krauts, yet your objective is not to kill Adolf Hitler!

Since the game wasn't very clear as to why, exactly, I was travelling in time to Nazi Germany, I was forced to invent my own goals.  My first priority was to find and then blow up whatever was creating the roaring white noise blaring out of my headphones.   Mortyr's ambient soundscape is composed of loud static over which you can sometimes just barely hear Nazis shouting at each other.  The hidden white-noise making machine is the game's cruelest adversary.  Sometimes, it'll shut itself off for some reason, granting you a little relief.  But this is a trick, because it will soon start up again and the torture will be worse for the brief period of quiet.  Here's a spoiler: You never do find Jerry's noise-maker.  In lieu of direct revenge, I suggest cracking the Mortyr CD in half.  Maybe the screaming hiss is the soundtrack.  For all I know, this is what passes for Techno in Polish Discos.

To get back to the official plot, you're going to the past because the World War 2 era Nazis went into the future and grabbed an "artifact" to help them defeat the Allies.  What is this artifact?  My first guess was a nuclear bomb.  But no, too obvious.  Then erik guessed a submarine.  But they already had submarines.  Then erik guessed a talking submarine.  It turns out, it's actually just a magical Nazi medallion. I guess in our reality Churchill hid the medallion from the Germans and this is the only reason we won the war. You have to go back to fix history and keep the Nazis from grabbing this artifact.  And not because it caused them to win World War 2, but because it's somehow messing up the weather.  Meanwhile, the future Germans are still using the time machine, but we are never told what they are doing with it.  One guess is that they're building an indestructable Hitler by combining cavemen and robots.  But again, I had to hear this from erik. 

Click on images for large view

Sure the bars look solid,
but Jerry left a gap for you.

Nice puzzle, Mirage.



I wonder if I can find the golden key by unplugging my computer?  Nope. But now I don't have to find it, which is even better.



Shiny floor+bad game=bad game.



Maybe the Nazi flag is supposed to draw your attention away from the crates.



I knew this key was important because it was so giant.


Page 1 Page 2

Hosting Provided by POEHosting.com
Copyright 1997-2003 Oldmanmurray.com