This review almost didn't happen. After playing Rune all the way through to the
rainbow-colored but still bitter end, I was ready to give up on games. At one point,
as I was virtua-clambering over a pile of crates to get to the exit of one of Rune's sewer
levels, I was like, "you know what? Fuck this, fuck sewers, fuck vikings, fuck
orcs and motherfuck gaming. I've had my eye on model railroading for a while now
anyway." Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you'll love Rune. It's technically
very solid. It's everything you've seen a thousand times before, but it's
10-12% prettier! So enjoy it there, chubsy-ubsy. I'm talking to you, George Broussard.
Let's start with a snippet from an interview on
Sharkygames with Human Head's Timothy Gerritsen. If we could afford
fact-checkers like our rivals at Christianity
Today, I'd probably know what Gerritsen's job was on Rune. Us being the
underfunded, threadbare failed Christian website that we are, I'm just going to say he
programmed the sound. Here he is answering a question unrelated to his duties
programming the sound:
Sharky Games: Would you consider [Rune] as a thinking person's action
Timothy Gerritsen: Time will have to tell as to how the game is received.
To quote Mike Haggar: "Have my ears gone insane?!?" I'm almost afraid
to publish that excerpt, because if one of you all of a sudden gets pink eye from your
filthy keyboard and goes immediately to the doctor and forgets to come back and read the
rest of the review, you might stop by Electronics Boutique after the hospital, see Rune,
look skyward, tap your upper lip with your index finger and think to yourself,
"Rune... Rune... What did I hear about that? Oh yeah, that's the
thinking man's action adventure! I better buy two." And that
would be all my fault.
Here's Sharky's unpublished followup question:
Sharky Games: If you used both hands to fling the Rune box at the ceiling, would
it float through the roof and fly to the moon?
Timothy Gerritsen: We'll see.
The answer to both of those questions should be no. Period. Or comma then
"absolutely not" then period.